All in all things are going pretty well, but everything is different.  Sometimes it is so painfully obvious how much things have changed.  My life is gone, and it’s not coming back.  Things will never be like they were when Jeff was alive.  I have spent the last year trying to make them be the same and have failed.  I just can’t do it.  (i’m having acceptence issues)  I want my family back!  I want to be a wife.  I want to be a whole family.  I want my kids to have a dad.  I want to be loved.  I miss it soo stinking much!

In the mean time…. kids are doing pretty well.  Ben and Joe are both in high school now (ACK)  Sally started kindergarten (Jeff would be so proud)  Juli and Sam are doing very well.  They all have friends and seem generally happy. 

I wish I was.

I still have flooded Hoffman house to sell.  Know anyone who wants to by a moldy house?  I am still paying too much for rent.  Ben needs $450 to go on the school band trip to Chicago (where is that money tree?)  I am now working, fun job, but pays minimum wage, and ends in a few weeks.  I still can’t get housework done.  My kids still won’t eat real food, but they are growing (thank goodness for the Goodwill)  I hate being bummed out!  I hate being loney!  I hate having to do everything BY MYSELF!!!

I want my life back…

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